Unfinished Thoughts
by partyperson25
Summary: A few years have passed by and Charlotte is an inquisitive 13 year old who enjoys spending time with her grandmother. The years may have passed, but Laura's feelings certainly have not. It is a story of the ages for Charlotte, and a confession of truth, sadness and love for Laura.
1. Chapter 1

**For new readers, welcome! I know this is a new story but the author, me, has been MIA for approximately 1 1/2 years off of my "regular" updates, seeing as they were never regular in the first place. For old readers, I deeply and sincerely apologize. It's no excuse to not have even put out an A/N but life got in the way, and when it wasn't life, I was relaxing and when it wasn't that, I had a lack of inspiration, and when it wasn't that, I had writers block. So yes, things have happened, but I'm very slowly getting back in the swing of the writing motions. It's been a hot minute since I've wrote anything at all for even my personal sake, and the only real writing I've ever done was for school in my classes (some material personal but graded). To think that the last time I updated something I was still in high school, and now, I'm a graduate! Enough about that though, I only referenced it to show the length of time I've put off from putting any new material out on this site. ALOT has happened within this year and a half to influence my timelines and writing subjects on GH as well as the other fandoms I write for. Pregnancy will ALWAYS be a hot topic for me, especially when it comes to Tracy (or a Jlange character on AHS; depending on what you read from me), but this is something different, something unexpected when I did decide for this to consume me all it's glory. I hope you all can forgive and continue to read what I put out into the world! Thank you and happy reading :) PM's and reviews are more than appreciated!**

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"Grandma! Look what I found!" Laura turned her head to see a chin resting atop an antique, ivory chest, arms wrapped firmly around it. Laura smiled at the young girl standing before her.

"Here, come set that down." Laura patted the coffee table that remained in the Quartermaine living room.

"It's so pretty, but it's locked. I tried prying it open but it was no use. Not even a paper clip worked." As Charlotte aged, the Spencer in her really began to take over. She was a mini Lulu from back in the day, it was almost as if over time her mother had a personality change, but Charlotte grabbed hold of the old one.

"That's because it's antique. Tricks like that don't work on tough locks like these. You'd need a skeleton key to crack this baby open."

"Darn it!" Charlotte crossed her arms in defeat and blew a strand of blonde hair out of her face. Laura gave her granddaughter a smirk and revealed a key on a chain worn around her neck. Her jaw dropped in disbelief.

"You're kidding, right?!"

"I've got the code right here."

"You wear that thing every day! I never knew it was a real key?!"

"Let's just keep this key a secret." Laura removed the necklace from her neck and placed it in Charlotte's hand.

"Why? Did you steal it? You said it's antique. Maybe it has something valuable in here! Like jewelry or money or gold?!"

"Hardly." Charlotte gave Laura a puzzled look.

"We're at the Quartermaine mansion, this was hidden in the back of a closet in a room no one stays in, a locked. Why wouldn't it be worth something?"

"The box might be worth something, but it's contents are worth much lesser I promise."

"What's inside then, if not something valuable?"

"Well I gave you the key, open it and find out!" Charlotte scrambled to stick the key in it's hole and was in awe hearing a click once it turned. She slowly lifted the lid and was sorely disappointed in what she revealed.

"What the heck?"

"I told you it was nothing."

"Then why is it locked in the back of a useless closet?" Charlotte scoffed.

"Monetary value is just as of importance as personal value." Laura stated.

"True. So this chest is yours?"

"Kinda."

"And it's holding your personal things?"

"Mhmm." She nodded.

"So why is it locked up in the back of a closet at the Quartermaine's?" Charlotte inquired, very confused.

"Well you know I stay here from time to time, and that's the room I stay in. Plus it's a good hiding place. I don't live here so no one would go digging through my personal things, especially if they're in a useless room." Laura pointed out.

"Sorry about that."

"No, you're fine. Just, if anyone else were to question my belongings."

"Oh, I see. So what is this stuff anyway?" Charlotte dug around in the chest, but found nothing eye catching about the scattered envelopes in the box.

"Letters."

"But they're unopened. Well most of them anyway. Who wrote them?" Laura stood up from where she was sitting and bent over to pick up some of the letters that were in the chest. shuffling through them like mail.

"I did. Most of them."

"And you never mailed them?"

"Nope."

"Why did you write them then?"

"For myself. It was kinda like an outlet for me, ya know?" Laura shrugged. "It still is, but I haven't wrote one in months actually."

"So these are essentially journal entries, in letter form?"

"Essentially, except they are actually addressed to someone."

"Really? Who may that be?" Charlotte was highly intrigued. Her grandmother was never boring, or bland. Laura always managed to spice things up for Charlotte, whether it was being at the Quartermaine's;a family Laura claimed as her own, looking out for the Quartermaine boys and helping with family event planning; or going into the city, or taking impromptu trips to Europe, courtesy of the Quartermaine's, again.

"Are you up for that kind of story?"

"You bet I am."

"Well sit down, it might take a few days." Laura patted the seat beside her, and grabbed an already opened letter, addressed to her. She began to read.

 _May 15th 2017_

 _Laura, How are you? How are my babies? I know they're not babies but you know what I mean. That includes Lulu. Me? I'm doing pretty wonderfully all things_ _considered. Europe is always lovely this time of year no matter where you are. I'm sure you know that though. I'll keep this letter as short and sweet and non-sentimental as possible. Me, sentimental? Ha! Not hard to imagine though, considering you've seen me at some of the most vulnerable points in my life which I absolutely hate, but I am also grateful because now I can tell you things like that and know I won't be judged. Sorry this is a letter and not a call or text or video call. We live in the 21st century, I get it, but this way I can communicate and keep a safe distance. I don't want to miss Port Charles more than I already do. Yes, that so crazily includes you. There's so much more I have to tell you but not this time. Maybe in a few days I'll catch you up. Please do me a favor and tell my family I love and miss them. Don't tell them I wrote because then they'll want to send me back letters and I cannot deal with that sentiment now, just reassure them for me. My journey is only just beginning and I think I'm liking it. Thank you for being such a good friend. Who woulda thought?_

 _All my love and best regards,_

"Well..."

"Well, that was one letter." Laura laid the letter down in her lap.

"And..." Charlotte was waiting for an answer.

"That's only the beginning of this whole big thing, you didn't think I'd give it away so quickly did you?"

"I should've known better." Charlotte fell back into the couch and Laura laughed. Her granddaughter would love this story.

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 **Thank you all for reading! I was desperate to post something and put something out there, so this will probably be the shortest chapter. I plan on deeply expanding my chapter's word count from my previous word count in my other stories. All my new stories will have a largely upped word count chapter wise (and story wise in turn). I hope you continue to read! I wonder if you can guess who the letter is from, it's fairly obvious. Reviews, comments, suggestions, questions, all feedback is** **appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am back with an update on this story! Hope you all enjoy! Reviews, questions, pm's, all and any feedback is appreciated! (Other GH stories should be updated soon! No promises, just a heads up!) Enjoy!**

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Chapter 2:

"Thanks for bringing her by." Laura smiled at her daughter standing by the front door.

"It's no problem ever. You know how much she loves spending time with you."

"Well the feeling is very mutual."

"Charlotte's waiting for me in the car. I'll see you soon mom." Lulu gave her mother a hug. "Love you."

"Love you too." Laura smiled as her daughter headed to her car and shut the door behind her. Laura sighed as she walked back into the living room, fiddling with the key on her necklace. She smiled down at the beautiful mess before her. Scattered letters and envelops on the coffee table and the floor of the living room. Laura sat down on the couch and was left alone with her thoughts. Memories, both ones she was fond of and others she wish she could forget, began to flood her head. "Oh Charlotte; what did you dig back up for me?" Laura grabbed one of the unopened letters and tore it open. She began to read her writing, and recall the day she wrote it.

 ** _Dear Tracy,_**

 ** _Today-Today I am missing you more than you could imagine. Your son is getting married and you're not here to see it. You won't witness his happiness, or his soon to be wife's happiness. I wish you could. Why this is affecting me, I can't really answer that. Maybe because I know that you'll be missed by your son(s), nephew, sister-in-law, your friends. Maybe because I know what it's like to miss witnessing your child's happiness. Maybe it's because ever since you left, I, more than anything, felt the need to take care of your loved ones since you are no longer here to. Ned, Dillon, Michael, Monica, and now Olivia. I'll be sure to text you lots of pictures. Whatever this feeling is and why it's occurring, I really don't know, all I know is that I do miss you. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. Yeah, Kevin has been beyond wonderful, kind and caring but, he's only one person. I can talk to Lulu about anything, but she has a life and family of her own, she wouldn't mind me, but I would never want to invade her space for too long. I don't really have anyone else. Not anymore anyway. You left for very personal and important reasons, but I wish you'd just come back. You really seem to be everywhere right now. Who's going to dance with Ned for the mother/son dance? If I have to you know I will for you. Whenever you come back, hopefully, you owe me._**

 ** _All my love, always,_**

 ** _Laura_**

Laura wiped a stray tear from her eye and folded up the letter, casing it back in the envelope.

"Laura." Monica walked into the living-room to see Laura sitting around a mess of letters and envelopes. Laura turned her head.

"Monica."

"I didn't think you were staying the night. If I'd known I would've had Alice set your room up."

"No it's fine. I think I'll head home tonight, just as soon as I clean this up. Charlotte found my chest and, well, this kinda happened." Laura laughed looking at the mess.

"This is your home." Laura smiled at Monica.

"Thank you, but I think I've seen enough old ghosts today. Sleeping in that room just won't do me any good tonight." Laura waved the offer off.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure." She nodded, letting Monica know she was ok. Monica placed a hand on Laura's shoulder.

"I know you loved her." Laura laughed.

"The problem is I still do."

...

 ** _"You know I seriously don't think I can forgive myself after all you've just told me, right?"_**

 ** _"Why not? I have. I have for a very long while."_**

 ** _"You forgiving me, doesn't make me want to forgive myself. Why didn't you ever say anything to me? All the pain and hurt you went through for years. You were treated, so poorly. So unbearably poorly. Tracy." Laura took a breath to keep her voice from cracking. "I hurt you so badly. I'm angry at myself, and regretting ever lashing out at you."_**

 ** _"Well, I never made things easy. You know that. I don't play the victim. I was a big girl. I could handle all of it."_**

 ** _"That doesn't make it ok."_**

 ** _"What's all is said and done."_**

 ** _"Stop! Stop that! Stop-stop acting like you weren't hurt. Like you didn't love-like you still don't love Luke. Like all of the sacrifices you made meant nothing. Stop acting like you don't feel! Who the hell are you trying to fool? Look at me!" Tracy's eyes darted from her latte straight into the eyes of her opponent. "I know you feel and I know you hurt, and most of all I know you love. You love generously and greatly. So when someone takes that great love and abuses it, and stomps on it, you do not act like it does not exist. You hurt deeply. And the sad fact is that I took part in smashing that love. Do you have any idea how terrible I feel right now. How I feel looking at you?"_**

 ** _"You said it yourself. That great love was abused and used, but you were not the sole abuser. The man who I still love, took it and abused it. Not you." Tracy tried hard to divert the entire conversation Laura was aiming to delve into._**

 ** _"Oh my God?!" Laura was tired of Tracy's failed attempts to avoid the conversation. "Are you really going to look me in the eye and tell me that I didn't hurt you? I understand that Luke was the one you loved, and truly he was the one to inflict the pain on you, but it was all in my name. MY name. Not his. The entire reason behind his motives was me. No one else but me. Do you understand that?"_**

 ** _"Yes! Ok! I get it!"_**

 ** _"No, you really don't seem to?! You're telling me everything no one told me, and this is years later. Some long years later. I undoubtedly think that an apology is long overdue, and ineffective. Don't you think?"_**

 ** _"Who the hell is asking you to apologize?! I know I'm not. Did you not hear me?! I forgave you! I forgave you! I forgave you! What the hell more do you need to hear?!" Laura burst into tears during their heated argument._**

 ** _"Oh, Tracy! I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." Laura's words were lost in her throat. "God I feel so guilty for any of this, all of it. I don't care if it was intentional or not, it doesn't make a hell of a difference to me. The absolute moment you told me all of this, my heart felt heavy with guilt. I'm telling you right now, and please-please just listen to me, nothing you say, nothing you do, will get rid of the pain and guilt I feel for what I did to you."_**

 ** _"You know that these were my choices."_**

 ** _"Did you really have a choice when your love was on the line the first time they brought me back?" Laura composed herself and wiped the tears from her face with the backs of her shaking hands. Tracy struggled to find words to fight against Laura's statement. "I didn't think so. I know I found out about your marriage to Luke the second time I came back, but I was angry."_**

 ** _"And you had every right to be."_**

 ** _"I did. I did because I was lied to. By the man who claimed to love me, by my kids, by my mother, and my family and friends, and even by you. You who wanted to say something, even if it was for your own sake. When I came back that second time, I didn't even stop to think, 'Oh my god. How did Tracy do any of that? How did her family-her husband think that it was ok to lie?'. I was angry-I had the audacity to be angry with you, when the whole time you really were the innocent bystander. How dare me?" Tracy laughed. "No, I mean it. That second time around, for me to be angry with you, when the previous year you stood by my mother, daughter, sons and Luke, to fight to keep my wishes exactly as I wanted them. To keep me in custody of the people who loved me, and knew me enough to know exactly what I wanted. It- might've been for Luke's sake, but all the people I mentioned before, it was for their sake too-that includes me. Your motives don't mean anything to me, because at the end of the day you stood by my side. You stood on the side of the court where all of my family and friends stood. You fought for me. And for me to be angry at you after all of that- not including the fact that you were previously hurt-" Laura shook her head in disappointment. "-how dare me?"_**

 ** _"You didn't know." Tracy whispered._**

 ** _"Why didn't anyone say anything? Wouldn't I deserve to know?"_**

 ** _"You do. And I'm very sorry I didn't tell you any of this before."_**

 ** _"So am I." Laura slung her purse over her shoulder and headed for the front door of Tracy's European apartment._**

 ** _"Laura. Wait. I know you're angry, and you're hurting, and really I am sorry that you are hurting in my name. I seriously hope you can forgive yourself, because I do not want to lose you over your own hurt feelings."_**

 ** _"I don't know how I'm going to be able to look at you without feeling guilty. I mean, there are times within the past years where I realized I hurt you, and even then I felt bad, and now-now I don't know how I can get through this."_**

 ** _"You will get through this because I cannot bear to lose such a valuable friend, who not only helped me fulfill a very important self-journey, but gave me a few years to have a daughter and love her as my own, and really, although it was through a tragedy, gave me the chance to find the love that I had been l looking for my entire life. Come here." Tracy pulled Laura in for a much needed embrace._**

Laura jolted from her sleep and immediately began to sob at the memory, pulling her knees up to her chest. She hated hurting the ones she loved, and it seemed that day, Laura hurt the woman she had fallen in love with more than she imagined.

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 **I hope you all enjoyed! If you are really interested, I have a Laura/Tracy spotify playlist! PM me if you'd like a link to that! Thank you so much for reading and following along! Greatly appreciated!**


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